Things not to say and not to do in bed
I love takling about sex. I love the sex columns, like Kaley Sciortino’s Breathless on su Vogue. I love listening to sex stories as told by friends, their ridiculous experiences and advices.
So i thought, after many books, movies, columns and personal experiences, let’s make a little list of NO.
WHAT NOT TO SAY IN BED
- I’m usually better than this
- Ops! it was a bit too soon
- Did you like it?
- You’re not bad, afterall…
- Sorry, do you mind (approaching with the hips to your mouth)?
- I don’t use condoms, it’s uncomfortable
- That’s strange (pointing to an area of your body)
- I m going to sleep, what about you?
- My ex girlfriend is getting married in 6 months
- I’m just quickly checking Instagram
- How man men have you slept with?
- Something happened but I m not sure what… are you on birth control?
- I mean, small boobs are cute anyway
WHAT NOT TO DO IN BED
Having sex is an highly personal activity, we all know it. De gustibus not disputandum est: who wants to be kissed and who doesn’t, who’s very affectionate and who is super cold, who does appreciate preliminaries and who wants to have sex straight away. You can not know the tastes of your partner on the first night, but there are some steps you can follow to avoid basic mistakes. If it all goes well and the thing repeats itself, you will soon discover his/her inclinations.
We’re not rabbits
Do you remember the famous episode of Sex & The City when Carrie goes to bed with someone who proves to be “a rabbit”? These are the men who love to push in a very fast and strong way, like an animal, infact. Guys, calm down.
We’re not bags of potatoes
I am sure every girl appreciates a man who knows how to move her around the bed but we’re not inanimated objects. Please treat me with a bit of regard and please don’t change position every 5 minutes or I ll get an headache.
We’re not (so) strong
Ah, the sea lions! Some guys love to lie completely on the girl, but not after the coitus, when every strenght temporarily leaves our body, nope, during the sex. He lies down and he moves just the hips. Hey, we’re not breathing down here.
We’re not at the circus
Changing positions is good and fun but I am not a contortionist and we re not running a marathon, so take it easy.
Don’t hit me
Gently nibble the ears is fine, slightly pulling the hair is ok, but biting nipples like a dog with a bone is not a great idea (there are people who think they do very erotic things when in fact they are too rough). I’m sure there are girls who like to be strangled but perhaps not all of us do .
Find your rhythm and stick to it
I think the rhythm is the most important thing in sex. It is often said that those who can dance or at least have some control over their own body are good in bed (and I think it’s true). Given that (usually) it takes two people to have sex, you must synchronize each other, a thing that seems simple but it is not at all obvious. If you find yourself in the middle of the act rolling your eyes and asking yourself “what the hell is he doing?”, there is probably something wrong. You can try to make it better but I think the harmony between two people in bed is something you have or do not have. There is nothing worse than guys who do not really know what to do, so my advice is: find a rhythm and stick to it
You’re not alone, here
If you’re having sex with another person, it’s important that you’re aware of this other person. Does your other half seem happy with what’s going on? Is she/he lying still and silent or showing appreciation? Try to make sure everybody is happy, nobody’s head is banging on the wall or nobody’s falling from the bed. Try to understand the other person’s needs. And if shes say “stronger” DO IT.
Don’t make a drama out of it
Sometimes, things go wrong. If the other person is sensitive and reasonable it won’t make a drama out of it. Do not worry too much.
Don’t expect so much
Often our expectations do not match what happens next. The super handsome guy may not be so good once in bed and it turned out that the shy guy that looked so fragile is a sex machine. If you’re active since a few years you should have more or less understood what to expect from a person already from the kiss (the kiss is essential) but please, never have high expectations, you will be disappointed.
You don’t ask, you don’t get
Sometimes the chemistry is not immediate, but there is potential. Maybe the other person is not bad, you just need to sync a little. You can also speak to each other, we are not beasts! Ask for what you want and try to gently lead the partners to your needs. Sometimes just a small input can change things.
Of course the pictures are from Sex&theCity, so mainstream, so obvious but still the best thing about sex .